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Long before Ryan passed away, I became a member of a facebook group called The Addict’s Mom.  This support group saved me when Ryan died. These moms allowed me to blog, to journal my pain, and they raised me up every day for the first 500 days. I don’t know what I would have done without them.


April 6, 2018 at 1:23am

Many times I read about losses.... now I ask please pray for my son, I have come home to try to sleep. 36 hours ago the police were at his place to arrest him... he ingested something, they took him to ER. He had a cardiac arrest minutes after he got to the hospital. He is non-responsive. I am so scared. I am so numb..... they have said its not good. They don't think he will wake up. Please pray for my son....


April 7, 2018 at 7:28am

Help me Moms... the MRI shows to much brain damage from ingesting the fentanyl.... the neuro doc says she has never seen such a bad case... today I have to unplug my baby... I don't know how to do this Lord....

April 7, 2018 at 9:26pm

Today's hard tasks are over. We removed the vent. He passed very fast... maybe 15 minutes. His DOC was meth. What killed him was an accidental overdose of fentanyl*. How can an overdose be an accident? Ryan had not been employed in a while. He still had his apartment, his car, he weighed in at a healthy 210 and at 6'4" that is a good weight. He was building me a server, websites for our business.... he sounded great last Wednesday morning. But he needed to make ends meet. I think he was dealing, just enough to make ends meet. The police came with a search warrant. The apartment manager probably opened the door. He panicked. He had a shot glass with something in it. He knew that would be what would get him in trouble. He walked over and ingested it. He didn't think of the consequences... that part was the accident. They took him right to the ER at a center... He went into respiratory arrest followed by cardiac - they tried to save him.... I think he was gone then but he passed today at around 2:30 PM...

*The autopsy shows that Ryan did die from an overdose of meth.

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